We are all aware I overthink. I get anxious over almost everything and anything. But the day I reached the 12 week milestone. I was filled with more anxiety than ever. Surely, I should be excited. But all I could think is, "why haven't I received my dating scan appointment yet?"
I spoke with family and friends and decided to give the hospital a call the next day during my lunch break, just to ease my anxiety a bit. The next morning, my phone rings (before my lunch time call) and if you've read my anxiety post, you'll know I hate answering unknown phone numbers. But it was a local number so I plucked up the courage to answer.
"Hello, is that Ayse?" "Yes, speaking." "Oh hello, it's the hospital" (OMG!) "We've been having problems with our system and haven't been able to get a letter out to you for your dating scan appointment. Are you available Friday?"
Their systems were down! I have an appointment Friday! I was ecstatic! I rang Chris, booked the time off work and felt a little more at ease. Of course I was nervous, but good nerves.
The next night, I stayed at Chris' as the appointment was early the next morning (8.40am to be precise!). And I laid awake anxious most of the night. Why? Because in my head, I linked this scan to a previous ultrasound I had had on my ovaries. This involved a similar method of drinking lots of water and having a full bladder beforehand. However, I was told my bladder was too full. This meant I had to go to the ladies, pee a little bit (A LITTLE BIT?!) and stop. Everyone's been busting for a wee before (it's ironic that I am right now), imagine peeing a tiny bit of that and then stopping. Madness. So yeah, not the best ultrasound experience. Chris assured me this time it wouldn't be the same. And Chris is always right isn't he?....
We got up early and I drank a normal about of water. Had a few wees and by the time I got to the hospital, I was busting. Is it too full? Am I going to look stupid again? Anxiety filled me.
So we got there super early - of course. And was waiting and waiting. Nobody was even there yet. Then staff started to arrive and so did other women waiting for their scans. First thing I noticed was they were all beautiful. They were glowing. They were slim. They didn't look fat like me.
Then I noticed they all had letters in the hands. Why do they have letters and I don't? I started panicking. Then staff were going up to them and taking their letters and they were going in for their scan. "What about me? I don't have a letter because the system was down! It's not my fault!!" They all went in and me and Chris were left. Have we got the wrong day? Are we in the wrong place? Honestly, what went through my head. Then a lady came over to us and asked why we didn't have a letter. I couldn't say a word. I was so anxious nothing came out.
Luckily, Chris was there and spoke to the lady. Next I have a letter in my hand, all signed and I'm walking into the room for the scan. Relief. Finally. Time to see baby!
Or so I thought...
Probably one of the only times my anxieties were right. My bladder was too full. I know, you couldn't make up this shizz. I jumped off the bed, wiped off the gel and off I went to the toilet. I knew how to do this, it's fine. I peed like half of the pee (or that's what it felt like) and stopped. Washed my hands. And went back to the room. Laid on the bed. Gel back on. Grabbed Chris' hand and this time we could see baby properly.
Oh no... "Your bladder is still to full."
STILL?! I almost peed it all out, are you mad?! So I hopped off the bed once again, wiped the gel off and went to go pee a little bit more. Then she told me to empty my bladder COMPLETELY. I was a little confused as I thought I needed a full bladder? I was worried that this would mean I wouldn't be able to see baby at all. But she's the professional, she must know. So I emptied my bladder and came back. Then there it was...
Our beautiful baby.
Oh it was incredible and so worth the annoying toilet trips. Blueberry (our baby nickname) waved, kicked his/her legs, touched it's face... Oh. I just haven't experienced anything as amazing as that.
Blueberry looked so real. Like a real baby. I couldn't believe it! (Not that I thought I was having an alien, but blueberry was so tiny last time).
According to my dad, Blueberry looks like a boy. Obviously there's no way of telling from the picture, but I thought that was cute. Since I fell pregnant, I thought I was having a girl. I'm now edging closer to thinking it's a boy...Who knows?!
Also, it turns out, I dated our baby's due date correctly too. Blueberry is due to be born on the 29th March (although it'll likely change again at the 20 week scan). I'm kinda hoping baby comes on the 26th March because that's Mother's Day, and wouldn't that be the best first ever Mother's Day for me, and my mum and Chris' mum becoming grandmothers!
Oh it's all so beautiful. My little miracle.
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